|
LOKI
 Your hero. A sorely misunderstood Prince of Asgard, just trying to make his way. Maligned by his people, distrusted by the mortals, hated and feared wherever I go ... but I don't let it bother me.
I have much more important things with which to concern myself, after all. |
THOR
 My idiot brother. Also, regrettably, a Prince of Asgard. Thor is technically the god of Thunder, but if we're being completely accurate, he's more precisely the god of wanton destruction and unnecessary shouting. He's loyal like a Labradoodle and has about as much guile. Just look at that ridiculous grin. Makes you want to punch him, doesn't it? |
CAPTAIN AMERICA
 A friend of my brother's. He has the moral and intellectual consistency of soap. I'm fairly certain that the average mortal can see his or her reflection in his skin. He fights with a shield, which is so bloody boring that I can feel my eyelids drooping down as I write this. A constant annoyance.
Fond of speeches. Etc. |
IRON MAN
 Another friend of Thor's. He's a bit sharper in the wits department, but tends to overestimate himself. Labors under the delusion that a line exists between technology and magic, when the truth is that his tiny mind simply cannot comprehend anything without a visible motor. |
NAMOR Namor proclaims himself king of Midgard's oceans, which might be impressive, were not the whole of Midgard essentially a ball of stinking mud. Still, he's infinitely more tolerable than some of the other troglodytes that populate his realm. One of the few people who wasn't immediately enchanted by my boorish brother. |
SPIDER-MAN A mortal child who trades on banter that I'm sure he imagines is clever. Unbearably tedious and insolent. I turned him into a spider for a time, and must admit that he took it admirably well. The others were less pleased ... |
THE BLACK WIDOW An agent of SHIELD, presumably. Or the United States government as a whole. Or the Russian government. I don't honestly know, or care. She seems competent and efficient. Unfortunately, even the queen of ants is still an ant. |
AGENT COULSON Another ant-like minion of SHIELD. He h ad the arrogance to presume that he could contain my brother--that he, in fact, had any power at all in 'investigating' Thor's appearance on Earth. Rest assured that I set their little organization straight. |
LADY FRIGGA My esteemed mother, queen of Asgard. I do love her, despite her fruitless efforts to see the 'good' in me. Not to mention her campaigns to wed me to any mortal girl who volunteers for the job, and her pleas that I reconcile with my brother, et cetera. Despite all of that, she alone has cared for me since I was young. She has developed a martini habit of late, though, which is worrying. |
JANE FOSTER Inexplicably in love with Thor. I have little else to say when it comes to her. |
DARCY LEWIS Part of my brother's human family. An entertaining girl, especially due to her deep and--to everyone but him--hugely obvious crush on my brother. She despises me, of course, but I can work with that. I always have. |
ERIK SELVIG Acts as a father figure to Dr. Foster, Miss Lewis, and seemingly anyone else he ever talks to. Dr. Selvig's favorite pastime is issuing empty threats, and I do so love him for it. |
PEPPER POTTS Stark's secretary, as near as I can presume. She must possess a singular spirit to deal with that farce of a mortal on a daily basis. |
HOWARD STARK The man we can all blame for the existence of Tony Stark. Like Captain America, he is a man out of time, though he often seems to be in denial about that fact. |
MARY JANE WATSON Cares for the chittering monkey in the spider mask. An actress? Model? I'm not sure. It's some effervescent, largely useless profession. |
PEGGY CARTER Yet another time traveler. Ms. Carter has clear feelings for Captain America--pity the boy is too full of speeches about justice and patriotism to take a moment for dinner with her. |
I am also regularly aggrieved by any number of other miscreants, including Bruce Banner, some fellow calling himself the Red Skull, Hawkeye,
and, of course, various Asgardians and humans eager to express their disdain for me.
Return to the menu?